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Cardio and Current Events

Cardio and Current Events

| June 28, 2019

Dear Financial Faithful,

Sorry. It’s mid-year already and you haven’t seen a newsletter from me in 2019. I don’t think that’s happened before in the 42 years I’ve been writing the letter. 

For the past few months, I’ve been dealing with a nagging, now minor heart condition called atrial fibrillation, or AFib. Because the heart is out of rhythm, it has an irregular and extra beat which makes it work harder to get the job done.

The back story

When I moved to California in 1991, I was issued the requisite Democrat Heart, which was calibrated to beat at precisely 55 BPM at rest. Without much thought, I entered into a treaty with my heart that pledged that calibration would continue. For many years, that agreement worked well. Of late, however, my heart started hanging out with a bad actor who was not truthful, let’s call him Mr. AFib. Things got crazy quickly. My speed-limit safe 55 heartbeat doubled and almost tripled with AFib at the valves. 

I recognized this as an attack against my sovereignty. A crises at my aorta. I convened my Insecurity Council because I was scared and didn’t have a Security Council. I unilaterally left the agreement because it was a bad deal for me. Others criticized the move. They viewed the enriched heartbeat as no threat. I knew better. I went further to protect my sovereignty. I employed sanctions against the enemies of the properly beating heart: alcohol and processed foods. Then, for my unsuspected cyber attack, I flooded the good heart with organic fruits and veggies. With that, I now have an impenetrable shield all around me. 

One last precaution

I called upon my secret weapon, Ace Cardiologist Dr. Tom Benvenuti, to secretly perform an attack that will devastate my enemy. At first light, he guides an unmarked drone down my somewhat attractive esophagus and photographs my heart. Excitedly, he finds no clots, AKA weapons of mass destruction. With that news, he administers a perfectly delivered shock to my heart re-calibrating it to its original 55 beats per minute. A dangerous and difficult mission undertaken by a proud American Cardiologist, a hero to me; but to him, just a guy doing his job.

All better now. Grateful; thankful;, blessed; and ready to get back after it. I write this today because when I shared my reality and my fears about it with you, you were there for me in ways I couldn’t imagine. Thank you!